One Ringy-Dingy[i]
Actress-comedian Lily Tomlin has won multiple awards; including Tony, Emmy,
and Grammy Awards. All this is true, of course; and my favorite Lily Tomlin
role actually was Deborah Fiderer in West Wing.
But, it was as telephone
operator “Ernestine” on TV’s Laugh-In that made her someone I always look
forward to seeing in any performance.
Ernestine would dial-up some
phone company customer and you’d hear “that’s one Ringy-Dingy…two Ringy-Dingy”
until the unsuspecting subscriber “answered”.
In one bit available on youtube.com she threatens an unseen party for
not paying a bill of some $20. When he
doesn’t want to pay, Ernestine proceeds to relate the customer’s financial
statement and tax returns (Ma Bell knows all).
Another time she uses a CIA phone book to get an unlisted number. In a later bit she says, "We don't care, we
don't have to...we're the phone company."
It is funny, even years
later, because we’ve all had to deal with the phone company. Lily went on to bigger and better things;
Ernestine lives still.
The first time I got a phone
there was only one phone company (“Ma Bell”), only one phone choice (black),
and you did it their way on their terms.
Fifty years since my unfailing experience has been the hardest people on
earth to do business with on the phone are telephone company employees.
Last week I ventured again
into the valley of the shadow of Ma Bell (no longer called that, but the
mindset thrives). As Dante would have
said, “abandon hope all ye who enter here.”
For indiscernible reasons our
phone service is tied to high-speed Internet.
This worked well enough for about 3 years; even get an occasional e-mail
for some far-off Blog reader. About two
weeks ago I suddenly couldn’t check my mail – just kept me running around in
circles. But, my phone company has a
special line just for residential user of their DSL service. I’d just call and find out what’s going on.
Big mistake.
Apparently a system has been
nearly perfected to defend live employees from ever having to talk to paying
customers. You just call and push
requested numbers until the system cuts you off. On my third attempt somehow defeated their
defenses and got as far as being put on Hold for a technician who would be with
me “in a few minutes.” Didn’t keep
track, but apparently I was on Hold long enough to time-out. The line went dead.
Next day, mostly out of
curiosity, timed how long I was on Hold before cut off – two-hours and
fifteen-minutes.
Time to try a different
approach: Live Chat line. This lets you “talk” to a customer service
rep via on-screen response. He texted me
their phone number. After explaining the
2-hour thing, he offered to have someone to call me, if I gave him a phone
number (he didn’t have it after my entering it into their system three times).
Someone did call. He assured me he’d put me direct through to a
tech without having to be on Hold. After
20-minute wait he broke in to assure me they’d call back as soon as a tech was
free. I’m still waiting for that call
back.
Two hours later I ventured
again into the valley of the shadow of voice recognition software [at this
point it was me or them]. Oddly enough
after only an hour I actually got someone to talk to (Saturday seems to be a
good day to call). It was a male version
of Ernestine. They’d been having trouble
with some e-mail accounts, he stated matter-of-factly; why hadn’t I just called
tech support? He gave me an esoteric
website to use to check my e-mail. It
worked, once.
One Ringy-Dingy.
David L. Lewis is
an observer of and sometimes commentator on life who may be reached via e-mail
at thedaddy1776@gmail.com (I will read it, soon as I’m off Hold).
Please Note
This is part of complying of Blogs posted from May 17 2008 to
May 10 2015 on the Brazil
[i] Posted
on The Brazil Times website April 13, 2010
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