Fireworks

I HATE FIREWORKS!

On Sunday morning following a Saturday night Fourth of July I find myself reminded why I’ve always hated fireworks!

The Chinese, we are reliably informed, invented fireworks about 2000 BCE when some unknown cook accidentally created an entree he called “chef’s surprise.” Apparently the Chinese also invented paper, guerrilla warfare, and Internet piracy. But my concern here is only with the fireworks.

I have never been particularly a devotee of exploding gunpowder wrapped in easily burned paper in order to make a loud noise in a more-or-less controlled explosion. I’ve been watching this happen for quite a while now and there doesn’t seem to really be anything new or different from when I was a kid. About the only change is the amount of money which is wasted in the endeavor. It is beyond me why, exactly, someone would want to burn up in one second what could easily have been used to buy a gallon of gas. At least the gas would have taken my old van 4 or 5 minutes to burn off.

The tradition of firing off controlled dynamite to celebrate major occasions apparently came to us from the British – who may have picked up fireworks in China while shopping for tea. The “explosion” (pardon the pun) of usage in our country is traced to President Nixon’s opening up China for trade with the United States. This made fireworks cheap and plentiful (along with just about everything else).

When we moved to Indiana in 1996 I was surprised to learn there were not many restrictions on buying or shooting off fireworks. You have to be 18 to buy them (16 if they are not too deadly). And there are some noise restrictions as to when they can be set off – which seem to be ignored the weeks before and after the 4^th of July. When we first came to Indiana you had to “register” to make a purchase. Now all you need is cash or credit card.

This is a big change from my days growing up in the ‘Big City’. Back then people actually acted as if it was in the public interest to protect folks from themselves. At least that was what was politically correct to say -- some nonsense about not wanting to overload the ER’s. As I recall, setting off of fireworks was illegal within St. Louis city limits (although you could buy them in the city); and it was legal to set them off in the county (where you could not legally purchase same). It may have been the other way around, but you get the point – politician made themselves look good without actually doing anything (so, what else is new?).

If you still have any left unexploded, remember the old Brooklyn Dodgers’ motto: “wait ‘till next year!”

Reprinted from my Brazil Times blog of May 26, 2008, with some updating for continuity.