SCREWTAPE

 

BREAKING NEWS!

Screwtape Post-Xmas

dispatch intercepted

In Case You Missed It:

Long before anyone had even heard of any Grinch the famed English scholar C. S. Lewis leaked thirty-one dispatches sent from Hades by senior demon Screwtape. They were designated as for his nephew Wormwood, an apprentice demon. This dossier came to be known as The Screwtape Letters. C. S. Lewis (being an Oxford professor) had translated this correspondence from the original demonic languages, or so the story goes.

Painstaking reading of those texts revealed Screwtape was a senior demon with uncontrollable control over Wormwood. Wormwood receives in the letters detailed instructions on how to deviate mortals away from Heaven and lead them into Hell. Specifically, Wormwood was to do this by emphasizing the distraction, discouragement, and dread common to humankind which so often take their minds away from depending on God.

Exclusive Update:

Recently this writer came into possession of a current Screwtape letter written to an apprentice demon known only as ‘Dimwood’. Source of this acquisition cannot be revealed, a decision for which there is ample precedent: to quote C. S. Lewis, “I have no intention of explaining how the correspondence which I now offer to the public fell into my hands”.

With the coming of Google Translate this new letter can be revealed herewith in the human vernacular. For whatever it is worth, this translation revealed the letter centers on 2021 skirmishes of this writer.

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The Disgraceful Lowest Domain

office of Screwtape, senior demon

2021 year-end review

To apprentice demon Dimwood,

It is time for your year-end, with-malicious-intent review. Thus I find myself with the gleeful task of pointing out your recent incompetency and unmitigated failures in regard to the assigned task of depressing one David Lewis, a would-be (forgive the expression) Christian.

#1) We are disappointed his heart odyssey did nothing to make his life unbearable. It was bad enough he had better than we wanted medical care. But, added to this our-Enemy-Above sent His angels, disguised as humans, whenever they were needed to comfort and encourage, to wit:

• To your demonic discredit you allowed you-know-Who to inspire that unbearably goodhearted first born son, Kenneth, to drop everything come 200 miles at exactly right time just because he was needed.

• Also as an apprentice demon we hold you personally responsible for that do-gooder third son, Matthew. You should have been warned what this kid was like when he drove all night to be there when his daddy went into heart surgery. Then he goes out a buys his parents a 50-inch TV for your would-be (forgive the expression) Christian to enjoy. Just an awful kid!

• Then, while your back must have been turned, people he didn’t even know sent him a handmade comforter to keep him warm. Disgusting!

• Finally, there was that woman whom our-Enemy-Above gave him. You totally failed to make him such a burden on her that she would not continue to love him too much. A Total Failure on your part!

As a result your designated would-be Christian got whole in spirit in spite of all our attempts to scare him into denial of you-know-Who.

#2) Now we come to the matter of that family Christmas gathering, a most horrid occasion indeed.

• Yes, must admit you did an adequate job last year in getting this event canceled due to our virus panic. But, this year you totally failed to scare these people out of expressing their love for each other. Even before the event you couldn’t even scare your assignee and his bride into not getting that darn vaccine thing!

• Were you aware this family has so much of that hideouts thing called ‘love’ that thirty-nine of them would go to so much trouble to get together? They even came from one side of the country to the other! Who would have thought? Nobody fought, nobody got irritated with another. The shame of it!!!

• And, they had such a good time everybody left glad they’d come. Food, games, freedom to tell stories of things done the parents hadn’t ever heard. Doing of bad deeds is okay, but the freedom to talk about it? Awful, just awful.

#3) Now we come to that day which our-Enemy-Above most wants celebrated, the birth of the One who can save so many souls from our domain of evil. With the coming of yet another yukky Xmas, as an apprentice demon you have failed to leave your assigned would-be Christian totally depressed.

• You thought he and that woman our-Enemy-Above gave him being home alone would be a bad thing. Don’t you know it’s only because his children heeded their council? They were content being alone because their children fulfilled their parent’s hopes! Hope for each child to make their own Christmas memories of being at home with their children.

  • This resulted in the worse, for us, possible outcome. Now there are five families enjoying the most hated by hell day, Christmas.

  • Five families who will, forgive the expression, make good memories which will stay with those little urchins forever.

• As an apprentice demon you allowed terrible behavior by those same children in how they (forgive me Satan for using the word) honored their father and mother. Just look at what those diabolically selfless kids did to us!

  • First, David woke up on an adjustable bed purchased for him by their youngest son, Benjamin. Were you not warned that after all our attempts to pull that boy astray when he was young, he had turned out – from our perspective – so bad.

  • Then your assignee sat down in that new easy chair his daughter ordered without telling in advance. Terrible thing this love of a daughter for her father, terrible. And, it’s obvious with all our small victories over the years he doesn’t deserve it; but still she loves him.

After all our efforts this David person still has all those dreadful blessing to be counted as the New Year comes. All of this we here in the lowest realm are blaming on you. Your assigned (forgive the expression) Christian is not discouraged and still loves his wife and children despite all attempts to leave him depressed.

With all appropriate disgust, I remain your taskmaster until you arrive to suffer forever in our lord Satan’s domain! Yeah, well, right, okay, you know, Merry Christmas and all that.

with all due malice intent I remain your dictatorial uncle,

Screwtape

Screwtape

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