U Might B a Bureaucrat
This was first published on Brazil Times website February 16
2010 sighting different issues than recently observed in the Individual #1 administration. Seemed worthy of reconsideration now, given the much ballyhooed news about the
“partial government shutdown” and inevitable return of furloughed employees
who’d been working and/or staying home for deferred pay (often referenced by
news media as “working for Free”)
The launch mechanism for this
particular catharsis is the Sojourns of Sally as chronicled in recent letter to
the editor of The Brazil Times published on February 1, 2010.
Seems the letter writer had
her Social Security card, birth certificate, utility bills, and current driver’s
license. However, she’d been married three
times and on this particular day this particular civil servant was “just doing
my job” by requiring proof of marriage #3 (or was it #2?). Don’t know anything about divorce, but
apparently there is great satisfaction in burning such “proof”.
In a follow-up edition we
learned the Governor’s office, the pinnacle of bureaucratic knowledge itself,
advises she will need not only marriage licenses, but divorce papers.
Truly Sally has encountered
the dreaded Bureaucrat Syndrome (commonly known as “B.S.”). B.S. is a worldview
often found in those employed in governmental units, as well as any industry
without competition (such as utility companies, certain cable providers, and a
to be named later software conglomerate).
This mindset is documented in
two of the best books ever written on economics, “Parkinson’s Law” and “The Law
and the Profits” by Professor E. Northcote Parkinson (1890-1993). If truth be told these are the only books on
economics I’ve ever read.
The issue at hand evolves out
of Parkinson’s First Law – “work expands to fill time available for its
completion”. One of Parkinson’s primary
proofs is that bureaucrats, whoever employs them, inevitably fill time with
irrelevant paperwork.
My personal introduction to
the dreaded B.S. came back in 1964 as an insurance underwriter. My boss told me to automatically approve any
civil servant applicant. His theory (and
this in 1964) was that universally these were people with little ambition
beyond the next promotion, and getting that promotion involved scrupulous
following of all rules. Civil servants,
my boss assured me, simply did not take risks that could be put off onto
someone else.
In my experience the most
obvious way for any bureaucrat to look busy without taking risks is to make
sure the paper trail leading to their promotion is immaculate. It is irrelevant whether this involves human
beings with human needs and human ignorance of bureaucratic Gnosticism. All that matters is whatever paperwork is
perceived to be required on that particular day. If treating “civilians” this way annoys them,
security can always be beefed up.
Examples of the dreaded B.S.
(governmental and commercial!) are immeasurable…
Having to go home and return with new
paperwork because it “had” to be signed by me in the presence of a given civil
servant comes to mind
Needing a birth certificate on which the original State Seal could be
felt also comes to mind (something about being at the bottom of a stack for 60+
years was involved).
My mother died at age 90,
having been widowed five times. At her
request she was buried in a national cemetery under the name of her second
husband. Fortunately no bureaucratic
careers were endangered by her interment -- I cannot imagine how we would have
come up with the required paperwork if someone needed to justify eight hours on
their timecard.
With this background, I
propose David’s First Law of Bureaucracy:
You Might Be A Bureaucrat If There Is Any
Way To Look Busy Without Actually Risking Your Ascendancy.
David L. Lewis is
an observer of and sometimes commentator on life who may be reached via e-mail
at thedaddy1776@gmail.com
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